Motherhood and the Loss of Self
Today upon getting out of the most lovely and uninterrupted shower, I noticed my favourite, sacred, loved earring missing - it's partner along with my flower of life ring lying on the floor. I immediately went into grief. It had been lost. My favourite earring had been lost, and my 2 year old daughter was the one who lost it. Then... I lost it. In my own gentle way, I lost it. I let my daughter know how upset I was, how special that earring was, and I called upon her for help. The more I got caught up in my head about how it would never be found, the more upset I became. Then, the tears came. I cried tears for the loss of this sacred item. I let my daughter know that I was feeling so sad, and was releasing through my tears. I called out to her for help again... I couldn't focus on anything but finding this piece of myself that was lost.
Within a few minutes, I found this sacred little lotus petal OM earring, a deep part of myself, hiding behind the toilet. I continued to communicate with my child, who was concerned for both me and herself. I let her know that I loved her that it was ok. That she was ok. I allowed her in, this time, on my process, emotions, and internal dialogue. She was with me the whole way.
We went on about our day. I made the mental note that no, she wasn't ready for me to have my jewellery within access.
As I sat quietly this evening, just before writing this, I realized the depth within this experience. This earring, sacred, precious, and unique, was a reflection of my own essence and self. Those pieces of me that have been lost, or have been covered up by my child, are mourning and yearning, craving to be uncovered. Becoming a Mother means a certain un-becoming of self. A surrender to the deep and innate needs of your child, an unraveling of the Woman you once knew, who will one day be weaved back together again... Again and again.
12/30/2015 11:51:57 pm
Beautiful and honest as always. Such a reminder of what is sacrificed.
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