Today I was blessed with a day all to myself. A precious empty house left for me to fill with sounds and smells of my own. With this I remembered the joy and release in a long forgotten self care routine. I have hovered back and forth, loving myself for some weeks, and forgetting for many months. So today, before I had my shower, I warmed up some sesame oil with organic rose geranium and sweet orange essential oils mixed in and rubbed myself down from head to toe. In the Ayurvedic tradition, this is called Abhyanga - self oil massage. Not only was the experience of being oiled up and rubbed down purely blissful, but it set me up for a day of self love and a feeling of peacefulness. This simple act of love for myself allowed me to drop more fully into ME throughout my morning, my food choices, my choice to pray and meditate, and my choice to go slow and inward.
Since I found out that I was pregnant, it has been an interesting and bumpy journey. There have been many emotions, many of those on the darker side, and a general disconnection from what and who I am. Now that I step out onto the other side of this, what I experienced becomes more illuminated and I am able to see it as a journey, and as a part of something meaningful and with purpose. It is all part of the cycle. As I step out onto the other side, and as my mind and energy shifts, I find my desire to be with myself much stronger. I want to care for me, love me, nourish me, and with this comes the very deep and instinctual knowledge that this love, care and nurturing goes directly to the gentle spirit and fetus that grows within my womb.
One of my deepest teachings, lessons, and offerings in life is being present in ones body. My experience for many years was being disconnected from my body. It wasn't until about a year ago that I was walking down the street and heard a voice say to me "You are not in your body." This was a shocking statement for me to hear, and it also made so much sense. I had a body, I had a mind, there were emotions and experiences present in my awareness. Yet, they didn't seem to be connected. My body was going through the motions - showing up to yoga class, dancing, showering, making love, and taking part in every day life. What was missing then? Life is so much juicier when you are feeling each sensation of it and using the gift of your body to do that. I share this because soon after this internal dialogue started, I realized the important and sheer lusciousness of self care. Of sitting with myself, naked, and just knowing what I was. Of exploring my body, with both my eyes and my hands, and being present to it. I believe that when a disconnect happens between physical body and other (emotional, energetic, spiritual, mind) bodies, it becomes difficult to actually feel what is going on. Your lover may touch you, yet you do not truly feel it. You may be walking down the street, practicing yoga, cooking dinner, yet you are not truly present to the experience. Maybe in this moment you want to ask yourself - Am I feeling my body?